No Words Can Describe
by JereduLevenin
Summary: ... a father's tears. Even heroes can fail.


No Words Can Describe…

…a father's tears.

Even heroes can fail.

(This is an alternate version of game events. I only did the Zelos ending when playing the game so far, so I don't know who gets everyone out of the traps if you kill Zelos… so I took artistic liberties with some key events. I also altered the dialog somewhat…)

Disclaimer: Tales of Symphonia and all of its characters is owned by Namco.

* * *

Zelos forced the sick smile to remain steady as he watched the disbelief grow in Lloyd's eyes. _I mustn't give anything away. If he realizes I mean to lose…_ Zelos straightened and slowly slid his blade from its sheath, the metal hissing ominously. His Cruxis crystal flared as burning wings burst forth from his shoulders.

"Don't hold back, Lloyd." And still, the swordsman refused to let his anger burn. Only hurt and disbelief showed on his childish face as he stared wide-eyed at the traitorous Zelos. Lloyd's hands hung limp at his sides as his eyes pled uselessly with Zelos. _Don't do this!_Lloyd's voice cracked with a single broken "Why?" …but he received no answer. Zelos had made his decision.

With a sick heart, Zelos charged at the dumbfounded swordsman, hoping to wake him from his stupor.

Lloyd blinked and reached for his blades, drawing them to block frantically. Cornflower blue eyes stared coldly into his own, colder even than the steel inches in front of his face. Those eyes betrayed nothing. An empty ache washed through Lloyd as angry tears sprang to his eyes.

"We trusted you, dammit!" But Zelos shook his head, surging against Lloyd as he forced the locked steel even closer to the boy's flashing eyes.

"Did you?" The reply came, colder still, as Zelos leaned over the shocked swordsman. A lock of Indian red hair fell forward, brushing against Lloyd's cheek as he trembled to hold Zelos's blade back. A sick feeling rose in his chest as he reflected on his words of that morning.

_"Can we really trust you, Zelos?"_

Lloyd had been joking. Surely it was obvious that the events of the past several months had made it clear that he placed his full trust in the Chosen? Zelos had responded with a laugh, so Lloyd had assumed that he understood.

"I…" Lloyd lowered his eyes, tasting bile. "…what have I done?" He whispered. Zelos glanced sharply at the swordsman.

"What was that?" Before Lloyd could answer, a fireball suddenly slammed into Zelos's back, singing the pink overcoat. Genis was gesturing frantically to Lloyd. Zelos flinched.

Lloyd finally met the cold gaze. "I still trust you. I always have. I…" Anguish filled the cornflower-blue eyes. With a tormented cry, Zelos, swept Lloyd's blades aside and leapt back.

"Don't you get it!? I betrayed you, sold you out to Cruxis! Right now, Yggdrasil's doing god knows what to Colette, and you say you still TRUST me? What are you, stupid?" Tears glinted in the redhead's eyes as he swung his blade at Lloyd. _Fight me, dammit! Get angry! HATE me!_

A look of horror filled Lloyd's face as he parried. _That's right, Lloyd. Think about Colette._ Finally, a look of resolution filled the chocolate eyes, and Zelos knew the end had begun. Bringing his sword against Lloyd's again and again, Zelos let the memories of his life play through his mind. Yes, this was the right choice. His only remaining hope had been in Lloyd's acceptance, something to make living worthwhile. He wanted Lloyd to care about his existence… but in the end, even this hope was dashed. Too late. Too late. His closed heart unable to see the compassion finally naked in Lloyd's tormented eyes, Zelos let his feelings slowly float away, one by one, until only calm acceptance remained. Like a machine, he fought tirelessly. Finally feeling himself properly prepared, Zelos decided that it was time. He slowly transitioned from all-out combat to doing nothing but parry, drawing Lloyd away from the others.

When Lloyd was properly separated from his companions, Zelos leapt away and taunted the swordsman. _This is it._ Zelos steeled himself for the blow as Lloyd charged. He waited until Lloyd had gained too much momentum to stop before making his move. Locking eyes with Lloyd, Zelos gave his first genuine smile as he lowered his shield and sword, fully intending to take the fatal blow.

Lloyd's eyes widened at this surrender, his sword mere inches from Zelos's heart. With a horrified cry, he twisted his blade aside before impact, instead sending it through the Chosen's right shoulder. His sword sank up to the hilt as Lloyd fell against Zelos, knocking them both to the ground. The impact forced the sword back out again. It was a gruesome wound, but Zelos would live. Lloyd sighed with relief.

Zelos, on the other hand, was furious with himself, cursing for having underestimated Lloyd's reflexes as the boy trembled against his chest. "I won't kill you," Lloyd whispered, pulling back before shouting, "and I won't let you use me as a tool for your suicide, either!" Lloyd stood and pulled his sword free from Zelos's shoulder, tossing it aside as the others quietly arrived.

Zelos turned his head to the side and coughed, blood splattering the floor. With a groan, he sat up. "First you reject me," Zelos whispered, "then deny me the only solace I have left? At least let me die with my dignity intact!"

Lloyd stared down at the trembling Chosen, compassion in his gaze as he tried to wrap his mind around this turn of events. "Dignity?"

Zelos hunched forward, drawing his knees against his chest as his wings vanished. "My whole life was a _joke_. Everywhere I went, nobody bothered to look past the surface. I was the Chosen; that's all they cared about," he murmured, voice cracking as his carefully built walls began to crumble. "Nobody cared about the real me. So I used that image as a shield, living a shallow life behind that title. I was useless as the Chosen of the flourishing world. I never should have been born…"

"What!?" Came Lloyd's startled response.

Zelos replied with heavy sarcasm. "Oh? I didn't tell you? Did you ever wonder why I hated the snow? It happened when I was a kid," he whispered, sobering. "I was building a snowman with my mom. The snow was falling in little white flakes... when it suddenly turned red. It was my mom's blood. She'd been murdered by a spell meant for me. Her last words to me were 'you should have never been born.'" Zelos looked up at Lloyd, tears streaming from the cornflower-blue eyes, his face a mask of self-hatred. "Why didn't you kill me!?" His eyes begged judgment from the shocked swordsman.

Finding himself mute with astonishment, Lloyd moved forward so that he stood before Zelos and fell to his knees. Trembling, he wrapped his arms around the broken swordsman, ignoring the blood now soaking his clothing. "Because I care," he finally whispered as he buried his face in that Indian red hair. "I thought you knew that."

Zelos opened his mouth to respond, only to find that the words stuck in his throat. He knew that Lloyd had never intended to kill him in the fight. Forcing the boy's hand was his undoing. But… this turn of events was not what Zelos had expected. He finally brought a trembling hand up to cradle the younger swordsman against him.

Lloyd shivered as he felt the gloved hand tentatively begin stroking his hair in a comforting gesture. "I don't want you to die. You matter to me. I don't care about Zelos the Chosen. I care about Zelos, my companion!"

Zelos couldn't help but gape in shock. But Lloyd wasn't finished. "There's no dignity in throwing your life away, Zelos. There IS dignity in saving this world, despite the odds against us. Please," Lloyd begged, "please don't leave me."

Zelos sighed in surrender. He did take note of the fact that most of the other members of the group had politely turned away to give them privacy. Had this ongoing tension been THAT obvious before? "I guess I owe you an explanation," he whispered. "Seles wanted to be the Chosen, and if I could give that to her… get her out of that abbey… I thought that would be worth it. Especially if my life was already forfeit."

Lloyd clutched Zelos even more tightly. "It's NOT forfeit. Not as long as I'm alive. I'm not letting you die, you hear me?" Zelos couldn't help but chuckle, which caused him to wince. The wound on his shoulder was starting to REALLY hurt.

As if reading his mind, Raine walked over to the pair, coughing softly to get their attention. "Since your intentions seem to be pure… Shall I heal that wound?"

Zelos nodded. "Oh, and I should tell you… Colette is in the Hall of the Great Seed. Hurry up and go save her!"

Lloyd drew away slowly so that Raine could access the Chosen's wounded shoulder. His hand lingered on Zelos's face, reluctant to part. "You… you do realize that you're coming with us, right?"

Before Zelos could respond, Raine stepped away, shaking her head. "It's too serious for me to do much about. I don't have the proper supplies to treat this. There's only so much I can do with magic. We'll come back for you, Zelos." She held a finger to Lloyd's lips when he tried to protest. "There's no time to waste!"

Zelos nodded. "Take my Cruxis crystal. It doesn't JUST let you into the Tower- there are a lot of traps ahead, but they'll respond to this and not activate. Hurry!"

Zelos couldn't help but feel apprehensive as he watched them go.

* * *

Zelos had eventually dragged himself over to a wall and leaned against it, waiting with closed eyes. After what felt like hours, he heard footsteps approaching.

"Where is my son?"

Cracking an eye open, Zelos took in the form of Kratos, standing at the room's entrance.

"Lloyd went to take on Mithos. I heard some loud explosions earlier, but it's gone awfully quiet now. I hope he's all right."

Kratos gave Zelos a look of utmost disgust. "Why do you care about what happens to Mithos?"

Zelos shook his head, scowling. "Not Mithos. That bastard deserves whatever Lloyd can give him. I'm worried about Lloyd."

Kratos merely raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why would a traitor care about those he betrayed? I assume that's why they attacked you?"

Zelos laughed. "Nah, I forced his hand. I was hoping they would kill me… but I misunderstood Lloyd's… well, I underestimated his blind faith in the goodness of humanity. Your kid is one hell of an idealist. But I guess I'm glad. That's what I love about him…" The last came out as a whisper.

Kratos's eyebrows had shot up so high that they were hidden by his auburn bangs. "…I…see…" Catching Kratos's expression, Zelos flushed but, to his credit, didn't deny anything.

"I…" Zelos fell silent as the warp pad lit up. Colette was the first one to appear, followed by Raine, Genis, Regal, and Sheena. "Where's Lloyd?" He asked, immediately worried. Nobody met his glance, so Zelos stood and walked toward the group. Finally, the warp pad lit up once more as Presea stepped forward, effortlessly carrying… a broken body in her arms. Lloyd.

Zelos cried out in horror, sprinting forward to pull the fallen swordsman from her, cradling his still form to his chest. Zelos fell to his knees, refusing to let go as the whispered question finally came- "What… the HELL… happened up there!?"

Nobody answered at first. It was Regal who finally broke the silence. "Mithos is dead. He… did this. Lloyd is still alive, but none of us can wake him. Genis destroyed Mithos's Cruxis crystal."

Zelos looked expectantly to Raine, but she shook her head. "All of us are out of mana."

Kratos remained silent, but strode forward to kneel next to Zelos and Lloyd. Zelos cursed and laid a hand on Lloyd's ruined chest. "Healing Wind!" A pause. No effect… "Healing… WIND!!!" A glow, and Lloyd groaned. The wound still refused to close. "Dammit, Lloyd! Wake up! You can't leave me behind!" Kratos leaned down and whispered something Zelos couldn't hear in Lloyd's ear, reaching down to take hold of the boy's limp hand. Zelos hunched forward, tears dripping down his nose, throat closing as he tried again to heal the horrible ruin that was Lloyd's chest. "Healing Wind!" His voice cracked. Kratos's hand glowed as he, too, cast a healing spell. The others stood back silently, keeping a respectful distance.

With a weak cough, Lloyd finally cracked an eye open. Kratos gave the hand he held a brief squeeze, encouraging Lloyd to open the other. It seemed to work, and Lloyd glanced around with both eyes. His left eye seemed badly out of focus, probably due to a concussion. Zelos brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen into Lloyd's eyes. This was a good sign, right? Lloyd had woken up. Surely he'd recover. He always did. Kratos began to massage the limp hand, shuddering with suppressed tears as he looked away, focusing on the hand.

"Hey," Zelos whispered. "Welcome back." Lloyd tried to inhale again, a horrible, bubbling, rasping breath. Zelos winced at the sound. Finally after a few more rattling breaths, Lloyd gave up all together. It just hurt too much. Kratos laid a firm hand on the boy's shoulder when he tried to look down and assess the damage. Lloyd didn't need to see the mangled, crushed state of his upper torso. Zelos forced a trembling smile. "We won, Lloyd. It's over now. Don't worry about anything right now. You'll be okay." Lloyd smiled, eyes focusing on Zelos's face for an instant of clarity as he sighed, mouthing the words-

_I love you._

Then the light faded from the chocolate brown eyes. Kratos glanced at his son's face, choked down a moan, and looked away again, mechanically massaging the limp hand, trying to rub some warmth into it. Zelos swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat, reaching forward to pass his hands over Lloyd's eyes, closing them gently. Kratos continued to massage the red gloved hand obsessively, fixated.

Zelos couldn't bear to look at the broken man, instead closing his eyes as he lifted Lloyd to cradle the boy against him. Still, Kratos held that cold hand. It was almost disturbing, the intensity with which he focused on that hand. Zelos suppressed a shudder.

Who was he, Zelos, to mourn, when a father had just lost his only son? Bowing his head, he no longer suppressed the sobs that came. And still, Kratos knelt, holding the lifeless hand. It was as if the seraphim's entire world were focused in that hand. Zelos only glanced up when the man made a strangled noise and finally let go, rising to his feet.

The entire party's eyes followed Kratos as he slowly strode over to the edge of the platform. Zelos closed his eyes, rocking Lloyd slowly back and forth as the man let out an inhuman scream, a terrible cry of anguish and sorrow that went on and on and on, until the Seraphim finally ran out of breath and fell to his knees, weary with the world.

There are no words to describe the pain of losing one's child, Zelos had been told. He let the tears fall as the sobs tore through him.

Who was he to grieve, when Kratos had lost his entire family?

No father should have to bury his son.

Zelos looked up at the broken man and whispered, "He told me… as long as he's alive, my life is not forfeit... Kratos."

Slowly, Kratos rose to his feet. Slowly, he turned to face Zelos. "Kratos… please... kill me," Zelos pled. "This is my fault."

Ignoring the horrified gasps of Lloyd's former companions, Zelos lifted the lifeless boy into his arms, walking toward Kratos. When he reached the center of the room, he laid Lloyd down gently and fell to his knees, bowing his head to await Kratos's judgment. Not daring to look up, he trembled as the sound of metal sliding from a sheath rang throughout the chamber. As Zelos heard the sound of footsteps approaching, he couldn't help but tense, leather squeaking as his hands clenched into fists. Finally, Zelos couldn't stand it any longer. He looked up to find Kratos's face unreadable, save for the tears that still coursed from his eyes. With sick mirth, he noted that none of Lloyd's former companions were stepping forward to interfere. Did they, too, place the guilt on Zelos?

Kratos held the burning Flamberge toward Zelos, filled with overwhelming grief. He met Zelos's gaze, seeing the cornflower-blue eyes filled with equal grief… and acceptance of Kratos's judgment. Shaking his head, he slowly lowered the glowing blade and placed it gently in his son's hand.

"This sword… was supposed to be a gift for Lloyd. I no longer have any use for it." Zelos's eyes widened as he realized Kratos's intention. "If you wish to honor my son's memory, then you had better plan on finishing the quest he started. I need you to live at least until then, Zelos. And... when that time comes, I will be joining my family," Kratos whispered. Zelos nodded. Depriving Kratos of this solace would be unthinkable, at least, in Zelos's mind. Kratos knelt beside Lloyd's body, suddenly looking quite weary enough to have lived all of his 4,000 years. "Lloyd would want you to keep on living, Zelos. If he really cared as much as I believe he did… he would not want you to die without cause."

Zelos opened his mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. Lloyd was a person who loved life. To take one's own life in a selfish act… went against everything Lloyd stood for.

Kratos gently took Lloyd into his arms, cradling him as he had not done since Anna's death.

Zelos slowly rose to his feet, taking a step toward the grieving seraphim. He hesitated for a moment before finally reaching forward to lay a hand on Kratos' shoulder. Kratos bowed his head, trembling with silent tears.

No father should have to bury his son.

* * *

_Owari_


End file.
